You might be thinking your spouse doesn’t like being questioned. The truth is, not very many of us do. Each individual has their own communication style, including the way they listen, respond and process information. The majority of us have trouble processing information that arrives via nagging, negative energy or even too many questions.
One of the negative ideas I usually coach couples on avoiding, is nagging. Putting pressure on your spouse to communicate with you more, share what they are feeling, or even the handling of the household responsibilities, could be overwhelming to both of you. Although we desire for the things in our marriage to be exactly as we planned, it won’t always work out exactly that way. Occasionally, when we bring certain tasks to our spouse, we may not receive our desired result.
It’s usually in the delivery and type of wording being used. The ask is often in the negative. “Why can’t you clean up after yourself”?” “Why won’t you communicate with me?” “Why didn’t you share that with me?” Of course we’re asking these questions, as negative as they may be, to gain a better understanding of our spouse. But when an idea is presented to most people in this mode of delivery, they automatically become defensive and fight back. The answer will usually include “because you always…” At that point, the conversation takes a turn for the worse and the couple is off track.
In order to stay on track, more often, we should continue to question our spouse. However, there is a certain way and specific questions we should be asking our spouse, pretty often. Here are a few:
Are you happy?
What do you need?
What is needed to make this the best marriage possible?